Ending a Relationship Breaking Up is Hard To Do
Does your to-do list look something like this:
· Walk dog
· Water plants
· Break up with significant other
Okay, while ending a relationship is hardly at the top of anybody’s calendar,
the fact is
that when a relationship has gone sour, someone has to make the move to end it.
The
truth is that many relationships last long beyond the “expire by” date just
because
breaking up is hard to do.
Sometimes a break up happens in dramatic fashion with clothes being thrown out
of a
second story window.
Other times, the relationship just peters out until someone says “it’s caput.”
How do you go about ending a relationship so that neither party gets hurt?
You need to get clear on why you want to terminate the romance. The immediate
reason
that jumps into your mind may not be the real reason. Once you get clear, the
next step
in ending a relationship is to get honest. That means that in your discussion
with your
partner that you are true to yourself and to them.
Schedule a mutually convenient time for the breakup. In general, it is better to
do it
in person rather than over the phone, but if distance is an issue in the
relationship,
you should do it sooner than wait for a time you can get together.
Get into a state of compassion when ending the relationship. If you want to stay
friends
after the break up, you need to conclude the romantic ties with love and
compassion.
Don’t put your partner on the defensive. Talk about the things you’ve learned
and the
memories you will cherish that have come from your love. Be present during the
break up.
Your partner may become very emotional during this time. You need to respond to
their
needs.
Don’t take anything personally when ending a relationship. Your partner may say
things
they don’t really mean. Let these words roll off of your back.
Your partner may need to meet with you more than once to conclude the
relationship. Or,
they may need space. Give your ex what they need to get through the transition
time.
But don’t let them make you feel guilty. You’re ready to begin a new phase in
your life
and it will not include a romantic relationship with your ex. It is best if you
retain a
positive relationship of some sort with them, but if you are ending the
relationship for
the right reasons, it is best for both of you.
Should you ever consider reconnecting? Does ending a relationship always mean
“the end,
close the book?”
That is something you have to decide. Virtually all relationships can be saved
if
certain conditions are met. If you have the time and are willing to make the
effort, you
can get through this period as an even stronger couple.
However, if you are determined to walk away, it’s best to end a relationship
with a clean
break and move on.
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